I'll say this much; it is a horror story with comedic overtones, features Wong Fo-lee and Alan T. Tryth as key Dreamers, and the main character is a youtuber of some reknown. Squirrels might be involved. I'll likely start working on this more heavily as Halloween gets closer, as it is a halloween kind of tale.
But enough about that! Prepare to enjoy a bite-sized portion of Dreamer Whimsy!
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Fifty Bucks
By Michael James Wilbur
It was a time of great excitement for the Kingdom of
Nulandia. The people rejoiced across the cities in honor of their new King, His
Majesty Penderbrast the First. While
tankards of ale were raised in honor of the young king in bars and pubs across
the kingdom, the grandest celebration was in Altrust Castle, where the King was
being coronated.
The two Narrators of the Elsewhere Incorporate watched in
silence as the prince knelt before the priestess. Neither One nor Two cared much for the
religious passages; nothing puts the kibosh on theological thinking more than
actually meeting a few gods and goddesses … or devils, for that matter, but
that’s a tale for another day.
As the priestess placed the royal crown on the prince’s
head, One said, “I have to admit, you did a good job.”
Two said nothing. He
merely stood there with a grin that would unnerve a Cheshire cat.
Evidently feeling that some dialogue was necessary, One
said, “I guess Teach can’t say you never do any work now, huh? Speaking of
which, where is our benevolent leader?”
Two pointed at the front row of the crowd, where the elder
Dreamer sat with his wife, Karma. Both were in fancy dress, as befitting a
royal ceremony, and were among the first to clap when the king sat down on his
throne. One and Two clapped as well,
though One’s was out of politeness. He
had nothing to do with the assignment, and didn’t know much about the people
involved.
After a few moments, King Penderbrast rose to his feet. The clapping rose briefly before it finally
dying down. Once the room was more or less silent, King Penderbrast made a
great show of clearing his throat.
“People of Nulandia,” He said, his voice booming out across
the throne room, “Friends, noblemen and women, and visitors from afar, I thank
you from the bottom of my heart for being here today. Too long have the people
of this fine country suffered under the injustice of King Tagmar. It is with the help of many here in this room
that now I stand here, the true king of this land … and as King, I pledge to
protect the people of this fine nation, to ease the burden of the poor and
destitute, and open friendly relations with our neighboring countries. No more
futile wars, no more excessive taxes, no more intolerance of the beliefs of
others, this I promise you on the blood of my father, King Jenner the Just!”
More applause filled the rooms. As they applauded as well, One said, “I read
Alan’s report. He really is going to
usher in a new age of light for these people. All thanks to you.”
Two’s smile widened slightly, but he said nothing.
When the room quieted down again, the King said, “Before we
go to the celebratory feast, there is one person I need to thank. He stood by me when my quest seemed
impossible. He was there when everyone
else had turned on me. He even introduced me to Lady Talmere, my friend and
companion through these many adventures.
She has taught me much about the strength of women I took for granted
for so long, and I am honored and overjoyed to announce that she has agreed to
become my queen.”
Some applause broke out, as well as some light tittering
from some of the noblewomen. The tall, dark-skinned woman in plate mail
standing beside the kind bowed her head, her cheeks even darker than the rest of her and a happy smile on
her face as the King took her armored hand in his.
“Cute couple.” One said, clapping. “Not only did you knock
out a ‘Save the King’ job, you even squeezed in a ‘Cupid’s Arrow’.”
Again, Two said nothing.
There was something disconcerting about his smile; One remembered seeing
a similar look in his friend’s face before falling victim to one of Two’s
elaborate practical jokes. He still
couldn’t look at a banana without shuddering.
“That man, that angel who appeared to me in my time of need,
is here with us today. James?”
“That’s my cue.” Two said, straightening shirt. His chest
puffed out, Two strode through the throne room, seemingly oblivious to the
curious stares of the other guests.
Both the king and his future queen were smiling as Two
approached the throne room. Never one
for protocol, he stood a few steps down from the king with his hands in the
pockets of his old jeans and waited with the same strange smile on his face.
“Sir James of Bridges,” King Penderbrast said, “I … nay,
this entire country owes you a great debt of gratitude. Tell me, what can I possibly offer to repay
you?”
Still smiling, Two said, “Only what you promised.”
To the surprise of many, the honorable and just king’s
expression faltered. “Er, I could offer you all the riches you can carry,
artifacts of power long kept safe in this kingdom.”
“Money I don’t need, and I’m pretty happy with the power
I’ve already got.”
“I would make you a duke of the kingdom.”
“Tempting, but I really would rather not get tied to any one
place.”
“I, er, could speak with my sister.”
“I beg pardon?” said a rather pretty and well-endowed young lady
in the front row.
Two’s eyes rested on her for a moment. “Tempting, but I’m
afraid I have to decline. All I ask is what you promised me when our adventure
started.”
There were quite a few curious glances coming from the crowd
at this point, including those of Teach and Karma. Even Lady Talmere was
raising an eyebrow at Two.
After visibly struggling for a few moments, the king finally
let out a resigned sigh. “I wished to reward you better, but if that is all you
desire, I will honor my promise.”
Two nodded his head, knelt down, and promptly punched King Penderbrast,
the king who would usher in an age of peace and light, squarely in his groin.
The King fell to his knees, gasping in pain as Two stood
back, an amused look in his face. Her
face contorted in anger, Lady Talmere took a step forward only for the king’s
hand to rise, stopping her.
“I gave my word.” He wheezed before looking at Two. “Our
debt is paid?”
“Yup. I’m done
here. Later.”
As Lady Talmere helped her future husband to rise, Two
turned to what was now his audience and approached the still-seated Teach and
Karma.
Teach crossed his legs as Two came to stand before him.
“Two, what the hell are-“
Two’s hand shot out, beckoning. “Pay up.”
Teach stared up at Two dumbfounded, eventually managing to say,
“What?”
“Remember when you dragged me out to deal with that mad king
on Vinta? I told you I’d punch the
bastard in the grundies, and you laughed and told me you’d pay me fifty bucks
if I punched any king in the balls and walked away without a problem.”
Horror dawned in Teach’s eyes. “That was three-hundred years
ago!”
“Yeah, well, you never put a time limit on it.”
“He offered you all the treasure you could carry!”
“Which I declined so that I could take fifty dollars from
you. Now are you gonna pay up or not?”
Teach stared at Two, seemingly lost for words. Two waggled
his eyebrows at the elder Dreamer and rubbed the fingers and thumb of his
outstretched hand together meaningfully.
His face red, Teach grumbled beneath his breath as he fished
the wallet out of the pocket of his expensive suit. There was definite anger in
his eyes as he counted out five ten-dollar bills and laid
them in the patiently waiting Two’s outstretched palm.
“Thank you!” Two said, his voice cheery as his hand closed
around the money. Oblivious to the angry stares of one, the confused looks from
the nobles, and the pained (and yet slightly amused) look of King Penderbrast,
Two walked back to where One was watching in utter amazement.
“Wanna go get something to eat?” Two asked brightly as he
waved his handful of bills. “My treat.”
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